Not A Citizen: Gary is a Canada Goose in a Turkey Suit

Gary, dubbed ‘The Charter Colony Turkey’ by Brandermill residents, is not in fact an Eastern wild turkey, but a Canada Goose dressed in a turkey suit. 

Suspicions first arose when Gary was reportedly honking at a pedestrian last week and were confirmed when Virginia Department of Wildlife Resources officers recovered some of Gary’s scat on Friday. Laboratory analysis of the scat confirmed that Gary is in fact of the species Branta Canadensis, commonly known as a Canada Goose. 

The Trump Administration has reportedly dispatched ICE officers to Brandermill to ‘detain and deport’ Gary and any offspring that have yet to fly the coop. The community is expected to rally to Gary’s assistance, as he has become a stalwart of the Brandermill community.

This is a developing story.